Excerpt from an AP report yesterday….
NEW YORK — Here’s a bet there won’t be any Beatles songs on the next “Dancing With the Stars.” ABC announced Wednesday that Paul McCartney’s estranged wife, Heather Mills, will be among the competitors.
Ok people, now sometimes bloggers try so hard to be witty and humorous, but rarely does such an opportunity arise, where you have to do absolutely nothing to get a jolly good laugh. This is one such opportunity….and I am not going to mess it up!
Holla (JC)
I live in a house wih some groovy people but, when you’re spending all your time preparing for your next self-improvement seminar with hundreds of desperate losers who’ve paid you hundreds of pounds to get you to improve their love life, sometimes the novelty can wear a little thin and even the greatest roomie can wind you up.
Take, for example, a certain female roomie who is such a lovely person but who grew up in a large family. Consequently she doesn’t eat her meals, she inhales them and has her plate in the dishwasher before I’m even half-way through my meal. It feels a bit odd and I worry that I am rushing my food just to try to keep up – can’t be good for the digestion!
And that’s not the end of my problems. She makes funny noises when she eats too! You know when you’re eating something yummy and you may make an appreciative little ‘mmm’ whilst you’re eating it, kinda like a compliment to the cook? Well this gal makes those sounds with every mouthful! ‘mmm’, ‘ohhh’ ‘MMM’ – It’s almost like she’s having sex with the food, which is not so pleasant for when one is also eating one’s dinner in the same room – feel like I’m intruding!
A few days ago I was in my bedroom and I thought she’d pulled a bloke and was going for it on the stairs. Turns out some guy had come around to help her lift a heavy piece of furniture up the stairs and she was yelping and moaning and groaning so loudly as they carried it.
Please please please PLEASE God, never let me overhear her having sex – EVER!
tata for now
Babs
Now what’s this about giving up something for Lent? Bollocks!! I am consuming more crap!! Went grocery shopping and decided that I wanted to be like one of these guys. So I supercharged my grocery list and through the goodness of my heart, I will give you part of my secret formula.
Holla (JC)
Well what a palava this has been. Alan and I were just discussing the evening news and the next round of football player trading, (not that a lady such as myself is really into soccer but one must play the perfect wifey).
Anyhoo my little sugar plums, today is Shrove Tuesday and the start of Lent. Alan and I are about as Catholic as Chopper Reed is all-round good guy, but we still managed to work ourselves up into a tizzy over our diet sugar, wheat, protein, carb and flavour-free pancakes with lemon juice. Denial and guilt all play a central role in the modern wife’s survival tool-kit so Lent is the perfect time to strengthen these vital skills – think of it as an investment in your future!
Lent is an old-time catholic thing. Basically you give up something you love for 40 days as part of your penance for being an evil rotten person. It sounds great!
So I will be giving up chocolate and sex for Lent. Actually the sex part is just to punish that miserable sod, Alan for actually thinking I enjoy him forcing himself on me once a month! By the way if you haven’t picked up our latest book, ‘Secrets of Lasting Sexual Fulfillment’, please visit our website.
tata for now
Babs xx
As you know lately, there has been much hullabaloo on Prince Harry and his desire to go to Iraq. What a security nightmare!!! Of course every so called “freedom fighter” in Basra will be aiming for his hide. But what really raised my eyebrows was his recent comment quoted by this AP report. It went a little some’n like this.
“There’s no way I’m going to put myself through Sandhurst, and then sit on my arse back home while my boys are out fighting for their country.”
Royally said my dear prince, well done old chap. However, my surprise was not through. Guess who they went to for an analysis of the whole situation? Check out the excerpt from the same report below.
“It’s entirely understandable that he should want to go,” said William Wallace, a professor emeritus of international relations at the London School of Economics and a British defense expert.
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!!! Old Braveheart??? Couldn’t they find someone who wasn’t caught and dismembered? British defense expert indeed.
When prodded further with a cattlestick, Mr. Wallace said,
”Aye, fight and you may die, run, and you’ll live… at least for a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin’ to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take… OUR FREEDOM! “
Holla (JC)
