Living in Oklahoma, I have come to tolerate incompetent drivers. This is sort of like a rite of passage if you choose to live in this god forsaken place. So, often, my patience is severely challenged by the antics of the drivers here, such as, driving at a snail’s pace in the left lane (right lane for the residents of the British Commonwealth), lack of an indicator light when turning, and cutting lanes indiscriminately.
So I cannot say I was entirely surprised by what I experienced when returning from lunch today. I was content, having stuffed myself with a plethora of Thai dishes, a rare joy that I occasionally experience here in the Sooner state. I stopped at the red-light on the intersection of Meridian and Northwest Expressway intending to make a left turn from Meridian into NW Expressway. I glanced to my left and noticed a humongous gas-guzzling SUV also waiting for the light to turn green. I looked at the lady driving it; typical Okie, with the bad hair-do and all. Now to clarify, I have travelled this route numerous times, so I know every nook and corner on this route. So, I knew that on this left turn there were two lanes turning left. Unfortunately I forgot to account for the moron on my left. While turning, I noticed her ENCROACHING on to my lane. Being the ever defensive driver, a skill honed by the 8 years I have driven in this nuthole, I stepped on my brakes and let the bitch cut into my lane. At this point, like all the other times, my road-rage surfaced, but I tried to swallow the bile of anger that had crept into my mouth. Acid reflux is something that you inherit au gratis, here in Oklahoma. I seriously contemplated throwing the Thai iced tea on to the hood of the SUV but decided against it, only because I could not justify throwing away the condensed milk filled cup of pleasure which could save my life if I’m ever stricken with hypoglycemia. So, I resorted to a barrage of foul language, as usual, and gritted my teeth controlling my anger. Then, I saw her bumper sticker.
The pangs of guilt filled my listless soul. How could I be so selfish? I couldn’t taste the sweetness which permeated in my mouth a few minutes ago. The Thai iced tea had lost its taste. My tongue felt like a ton of concrete, weighed-down by my uncouth words. I felt fortunate to be healthy and of sound mind and body. I felt for the SUV driver. Nothing she did was her fault, and I could not bring myself to even remotely suggest that it was. I knew she rode the short bus to school. I could not imagine living the life of a retard and there are so many here in Oklahoma. All with the same sticker on the back of their cars.
I SUPPORT PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH.
Holla (JC Stone)
